Speaking French

physical-france-mapHigh School French is the only bit of foreign language I speak.  Il fait chaud, Je m’appelle Jessie, Comment allez-vous….that’s about it.  I wonder at my age if I would ever be profluent in another language, other than a sexual act that is named after one.   I feel that skill is reserved for children and the language talented people who, like the “Matrix” movie, seem to just download the information.  I don’t fall in either category, and I can’t roll my “r” (but I don’t think there is any “r” rolling in French so I think I am safe).  Then there is that possibility after multiple of classes you still can’t understand a damn thing when you actually visit the country.  Due to the speed of the spoken word, dialect, slang and the possibility they will just speak English back at you…which quite frankly I can’t comprehend  English in a foreign accent either.

Besides all this nay saying, I’ve been thumbing through the local community college catalog and feel compelled to take on a string of French courses starting in the spring. 

This endeavor was inspired by my massage partner at school.  We like to communicate with each other in every language other than English.  ”Bonjour Mademoiselle”, a little Korean ”ban gap sum ni da”, a tad of Japanese “Itai”? meaning “it hurts”. I respond with a “Nein Nein” and perhaps a “Merde” when she uses too much pressure. 

 Now, when I think about taking French classes, I reminisce to when I spent a month in France one summer when I was 16 years old. 

I was invited along with a girl friend and her parents to travel by RV.  We drove to Dover and took the ferry to Calais (an armpit of a destination, like Newark). We  drove through Paris.  Saw the Eiffel Tower for 5 secs, 3 miles away at about 80 mph.  Stops were made at small towns/villages  while we made our way down to southern France.   Our main sustainance was cheap wine, Rockford cheese, fresh baked baguettes from local bakeries and tangerines from the farms.  We spent our days being tourists.  I was able to venture off to go for runs.  Once we reached southern France, 15 kilometers from the Spanish border,  we ceised travelling for a  week.  One day we snorkel in the Mediterranean and climbed on the cliffs and jumped in, I was fearless.  However, once when climbing out of the water, I felt dizzy and collapsed onto a bed of sea urchins and my grandma was picking spines out of the palms of my hands weeks later in Florida.  I had another brush with fate when I had my retinas scarred.  My girl friend’s mum’s saggy breasts were on display when we spent one day at a naked beach…I kept my one-piece on thank you very much.

 On the very last evening in France, every body except I was sick with food poisoning, so I took an adventure around the camp grounds.  I first headed to the club house where a french comedy was being viewed on the television.  It did not amuse me, so I left.  I was followed by a handsome french boy, a little older than me with dark hair.  We walked together and between his limited English and my French we conversed satisfactory.  He escorted me to a white footbridge over a creek .  There I had my first french kiss.  After some kissing.   He walked me back to my temporary home, it was around 10pm.  After we bid au revoir,  I discovered all my travel companions were asleep.  I left promptly searching for that hottie.

Thinking back, it was a good thing I did not find French Fry again, otherwise I would have had another “first” that night I am certain. 

Published in:  on August 3, 2009 at 2:50 am Comments (20)

Failing persona, the 10 ways.

As you all know I am in massage school and when I am done I plan on working part time as a massage therapist.  I don’t plan on giving *this* business up quite yet since I am highly addicted to it (are there any group meetings).  Anyhow, I have my persona it is believable which BTW is not far fetched from another business endeavour on the side.  Well, my out-going behavior and “shoot from the hip” retorts to twisted classmates (and professor), I am sensing the “Adult Entertainer” in me is imposing onto my Vanilla life.  Here are the 10 ways my persona is failing and classmates will suspect my deviant behavior.

10. Calling the massage lotion…lube.  That is what I call my sex lube.  So I say at school, “Hey massage partner, where did you put the lube, where is the lube”.  It is massage lotion…damn it!  I need to get that into my brain.

9. Quick to get naked.  We are only doing neck massage, but I am fully naked and content under my sheet.

8. Every single perverted comment that comes out of ANYbody’s mouth, I always ALWAYS laugh first.  While it does a fly by on the other women.

7. I have been known to come to school hung over on a weekday morning.

6.  When we go on location to give massages, many times we run into situations that end up not allowing us to use tip cups, I suggest garters.

5.  I wear low cut tops.  Not appropriate, but I don’t care if everyone sees my cleavage.

4.  Lingerie falls out of my fitted sheets at school…. that is where that wicked weasel mesh g-string got too.

3. 99.9% of people I invite to my clinics are men.

2. I am not shocked when I hear about a male client exposing themselves to the therapist, but ask if he can be booked with me next time.

1. I know very well what a happy ending is and always happy to enlighten any young newcomer to what is means like I am the all knowth of HJ.

 

Published in:  on June 13, 2009 at 2:15 am Comments (11)


JESSIE YUM YUM WANTS TO NAME YOUR DICK
 Do you feel inadequate because you don’t have a name for your penis?  Never fear, I am happy to name it for you.  (If you already have a name, I want to rename it.)  Click on the Penis Name Generator link below, enter your name and presto, you have a penis name.

:)

If I had a dick, it would be called..

Leaning Tower of Pisa

Please share your penis name too under comments so I may address him properly.

Published in:  on October 8, 2008 at 11:08 pm Comments (13)

Lady to Ladette

This afternoon I was checking out “You Tube” and the clips for “Ladette to Lady” a popular British reality show where ladettes are turned into ladies

Ladette: Usage: UK

  1. (informal) a young woman that behaves like a lad.

The show reopened a finishing school, called Eggleston Hall.  Once a manor, it is situated in northern England on the north bank of the River Tees near Barnard Castle.  It once resided Charles Neville, the 6th Earl of Westmorland.  He was implicated in the Rising of the North against Elizabeth I in 1569.  When I was 17 years old, the Hall was still a school and I was a student.

True to many English private schools, you pay top coin to have minimal supplies and amenities; faculty and parents call this character building.  The school prided themselves for teaching the culinary classes without any electrical appliances other than a stove top and an oven.  They call this “finishing school”, at the time however, I thought it was where the head mistress designed a year long curriculum to dick around with flowers and torture young women with cookware.

One exasperating experience came when choux pastry was being prepared.  Since food processors was not available, this dense bowel of fattening goo must be beaten with a wooden spoon over a period of a couple of days.  All girls went to bed with pain in our entire upper appendages.  We finally made dessert with this mess and that was the last eclair that ever passed my lips.

I have some fond memories of my stay, particularly my runs in the breathtaking countryside.  Two hour runs were not unusual for me, really these are some of the best moments of my life.  A dilapidated church and cementary from the 11th Century was on the property. The students were forbidden to enter the premises, but I frequently toured.  I tried my only cigarette when I gallivated with a group of classmates to the local corner store, but at three pounds ($6) a pack, even if I didn’t think it was horrid habit, I could not afford it.  Memories are vast,  perhaps inclusion at a later date.

Currently, Donald Trump is looking to cast  Eliot Spitzer’s, former Governer of New York,  hooker Ashley Alexander Dupré to join the cast of an American version of the show.  At least she is going from Ladette to Lady and not the other way around, as in my case.

LADETTE TO LADY: Episode 1 (Clip)

Published in:  on October 6, 2008 at 4:29 am Comments (6)

Halloween Costume Poll. Treats for my Tricks

POLL ENDED 10-03-08

Thank you all for contributing to my Halloween Costume Poll.  Here are the results!

30 Voters Total

#1 Speed Demon:  4 Votes

#2 French Maid:  10 Votes

#3 Cop:  7 Votes

#4 Goth Nurse: 5 Votes

#5 School Girl: 4 Votes

WINNER FRENCH MAID

CONGRATULATIONS WINNERS!

WATCH OUT FOR MY NEW PICS COMING OCTOBER 18TH!!!

___________________________________________

Fall officially here! The nights are cooler.  The leaves will soon be turning and my junk mail box is filling up with spam for Halloween costumes.  Now I have not purchased a Halloween costume in awhile and I was checking out www.flirtcatalog.com for something fun.  Please help me pick.   The one with the most votes will be modelled in an upcoming photo shoot.  I promise to model for you too even if it is not Halloween :) Place votes in comment section under this post. Thanks for contributing.

Published in:  on September 21, 2008 at 11:01 pm Comments (27)

That song is bugging

The summer song that has my ride’s stereo at peak volume, the windows rolled down and I’m  singing loudly, proudly…and extremely poorly is

19 something by Mark Wills

I’m not really a country music fan, but it was playing on my clock radio the other morning.  Since country is the only station with a glimmer of reception, I must awake to Tim McGraw and such twangy voices.  Anyhow, that morning I laid in bed enjoying my new find and appreciating how the lyrics simplified childhoods of most guys, and tom-boys, my age.  The minor changes I would make would be “I was Roger Stauback back in my back yard” for

I was Wonder Woman in my back yard

and you can replace “My first love was Daisy Duke in them cut off jeans” for My first love was Bo Duke and them cowboy boots. Scroll down for lyrics and You Tube link.  On a side note,   I am sitting here typing this post and I feel a bite on my left hip.  Ouch! Reflexively I pull away my shorts and brush it away.  Tentatively I look to where I directed the crunchy assailant  I sensed on my finger tips.  Here is what I found gnawing on my delicate flesh.

Sing along in your best red-neck accent

Published in:  on June 14, 2008 at 1:39 am Comments (6)

Stripperconomics

I’m back to give you all a heads up with my life in the last three months.  As most know I am back in school with a dire need to have a resume that consists of more than:

21- 24 yo : Stripper for large groups of men

24 - 26yo : Stripper for small groups of men

26 yo to present : Stripper for one-on-one

I’m more accomplished, however adding would interfer with my point.  I have been in this industry too long, I need to be able to move on.  This industry has only given me great memories and a fat bank account………. point now ruined.

 Anyways, so I taking all those past credits from the first round of school and make lots of degress with them.

  I must endure a economics snooze feast for a degree I am pursuing purely  for my egocentric need.  That need to prove that I can do more than dance naked on a table top.

Any how, does Economics really fit into my business.  I understand the concept of supply and demand. 

Less supply ie. less availability by me 

=

higher demand by men

By this formula I can increase my rates so my demand would equal 1 maybe 2 gentlemen a day.  Problem, what if the demand is caused my me?  What during a course of a week, I have this overwhelming urge to strip my clothes off for every hot blooded male.  Isn’t the demand now mine and not by the men?   hmmm…perhaps I can pose my question to my Economics professor?

If you are my professor, how would you handle it?

Published in:  on July 8, 2007 at 10:17 pm Comments (12)

Book Reviews

 Here are three book reviews from books that I read over the school Christmas break. 

Bright Forever Cover

The Bright Forever :Just finished this novel on Sunday.  I started it on a lawn dart from Ohio.  The engine noise and turbulant flight would have been a distraction for any other read; however, this novel was so gripping it easily distracted me from my hellish state.  Reading the rest of the novel was quite enjoyable in my purple bikini.  I recommending reading this novel pool side in 77 degree weather in Orlando, your enjoyment is elevated when you know your friends are freezing there asses off.  

Stock photo

Tuesday’s with Morrie :Such a fast read you can blow through it while taking a dump.   With toilet paper suck to your shoe, you will wave this book to your S/O saying you should read this you materialist SOB. 

In mountains of Asheville, NC while lounging by the spa in my black bikini was perfect timing for me to read this book.  It was easy to reconnect after breaking concentration.  Even when I stopped reading every 2nd page to rub my Honey’s leg to tell him how horny I was, it was easy to jump back into the story line.

Blackbird - Jennifer Lauck

Blackbird :Since misery loves company, this is a great companion after you had a fight with your Honey.  Spend your time reading while crosslegged on the beach of Fort Lauderdale.  The waves crashing on shore, seagulls squalking over head and children laughter will lift your spirits only enough to continue reading without breaking into a crying fit.  Recommend only to females with issues.

Published in:  on January 25, 2007 at 3:27 am Comments (5)

What is Family?

I hear if you don’t have your family you have nothing. 

But, what if you don’t have much family.  What if the family that meant the world to you is dead or made it clear they don’t want you in their life?  What if just want to say to all the others? 

“I love you but I don’t like you, leave me (the fuck) alone.” 

 I’m tired of mending the same old, worn out fences.  It should be turned into firewood.  They can then smoke signal my happy ass, since I feel like changing my phone number.  I may just decide to spend this winter hypernating with the bear (he’s fuzzy and warm) that way I don’t have to deal with them till spring:

I’ll hang with family.  Make niceties, with my thumb up my ass and pretend I want to be here 

OR

Go swimming in the back yard pool in a string bikini.  Get shitfaced on a mediocre zin and flirt on my aunts cute husband and passout on a lawn chair.

I’m hopeless.

Another new year, another 3 hour phone conversation with parent.  Will this be the year that I will want to be wanted by my blood?

Or will I continue to be satisfied with the family that I made for myself?  We are not force together by blood, but we choose to be together.  I feel pretty special to be chosen by my loved ones.

Published in:  on January 13, 2007 at 3:02 am Comments (7)

Humans

Today it was 67 degrees, simply amazing for a January afternoon.  Clear skies, light breeze, I must run. 

My endorphins are soring and my step is light my spirits are high.  My head roams free with drifting thoughts of loved ones and my clean shiny ride I just detailed.

I come to an intersection from a residential community, not mine, one with beautiful new single family homes with brick fronts.  Children’s laughter behind me.  I begin to cross this four lane road. 

This car needs waxing.  It must spend its days sitting underneath a tree.  The hood is freckled with debrie…side shuffle to the right.  skip back, back, quickly…

Am I playing backwards hop scotch?”

Please don’t hit my legs is all I can think,  not my legs.

Back, skip, skip, back.  Staring at the hood of the car,  back back, avoiding that hood.  In the middle of the lane on a busy road. 

Will the driver ever notice me? 

Will I be hit by another speeding down the road?  200 yards I see a silver mini van coming my way… 100 yards.

The attacking vehicle stops.  Out of frustrations, I drop kick the hood of the car.  Black rubber trail is left.  I hope I left a dent.   Dark on contact, then lighter on the white paint as my heel dragged toward my body.  I look at my mark,   with wicked contentment, right in the middle of the Honda’s headlights.  It could have been my blood.

I stare at the driver that never gave me a cautionary glance when making that right on red. 

Mid thirties, brunette, plain looking.   Fear, regret, compassion, so many emotions were experienced.  I saw them all when I looked straight into her eyes.   Her hand over her heart, mouthing the words.  

“I’m so sorry”

 I left her as quickly as a came. 

I was not significant to watch for before, but now you see me running away….I’m running away…still able to run. Thank you.   I look over my shoulder.  She is in shock, car frozen in the middle of the road.  I run up the hill, you are still frozen.  I bet you see me now.  I’ll bet you will look for me now. I feel vindicated.  I’m pumping my arms faster as I race up this hill.

Vindication.  I make a left onto a bike path.  Slow down, you don’t see me now.  Breathe.  I slow down.  Oh my god.

My mind’s eye sees your face.  I immerse myself in the emotions you must have felt.

If I was not so quick and nimble you could have hit me.  I could have been a child.  You could have seriously injured me today.   I could have been a child.

You could have taken a life with your neglect.  I hope she realizes that.  I hope everyone that reads this realizes that.

Please don’t hit me. 

Please watch out for humans.

 

Published in:  on January 7, 2007 at 4:29 am Comments (19)